The transfer market can be stressful. Scouting out the best options, negotiating with agents, signing contracts and waiting on a medical – it’s enough to have managers tearing their hair out.
The same is true – and bear with us here – in the market for a new car. You’re unlikely to have a team of scouts, so you’re forced to do your own research by visiting dealers, talking to agents – sorry, sales reps – and then trying to negotiate a contract at a fair price. And that’s all assuming your new acquisition performs as expected. Nobody wants to end up signing a dud.
Luckily, there’s a better way than standing at the side of a pitch (or dealership) freezing your scarf off. There’s the way – just sign your next car from the comfort of your sofa, safe in the knowledge that it’ll become a club legend. To explain this process, we’ve brought in some more incredibly stretched football analogies.
Finding the right player for your team
There are a lot of automotive players on the market, and they all have their pros and cons. Just like there’s no point in signing a great central midfielder when you’re short of a striker, you don’t want to end up with a cracking city car if you spend most of your time on the motorway.
Just like a top manager, you need to identify your requirements and scout accordingly. First, what’s your budget? Are you pitching for Lionel Messi, or is a League Two bargain a more realistic prospect?
Then work out what spaces in your team (life) you need to fill. Want an economical workhorse that’ll keep going over long distances and carry the rest of the team along? A flashy performance hotshot that’ll get results and keep you entertained? Or a young superstar with that won’t stretch the wage bill?
Even if you don’t know much about cars, Cazoo can help. We’ve done the scouting for you, and we’ve got loads of reports on the latest cars on the market, what’s good and bad about them, and which ones might be right for you.
Target acquired. What now?
Once the footballing transfer window opens, there’s often a frenzy of stressful activity as clubs negotiate terms. But imagine if there was just a price for a player, and everything that followed was simple. No haggling, no back and forth, no false promises or failed medicals. Cazoo’s squad of cars is hand-picked and meticulously prepared. We’ll tell you what the imperfections are, if any, and the price is the price. No hidden ACL problems or off-field problems. And of course, there’s no transfer window for cars – you can buy one any time you like.
Payment is simple, with no agent percentages or performance-related bonuses to worry about. Pay outright, or look at flexible finance options like hire purchase (HP) or personal contract purchase (PCP). You can apply for finance on Cazoo’s website and get a decision within minutes.
For ultimate simplicity, why not ? That gets you a car, tax, insurance, servicing and breakdown cover for one monthly price, and no need for long-term commitments. It’s like signing a player on loan. Sort of.
I wouldn’t buy a player without seeing him play…
Understandable. But what if you had great references from scouts you trust and a full set of photos of him in action? What if you could get him in the squad, see how he plays, and then send him back for a full refund if he’s not a great fit?
The idea of buying a car without seeing it first can be daunting, which is why we at Cazoo give all our cars a 300-point inspection before they appear on the website. We take detailed pictures, tell you about its history and generally remove as many unknowns as possible. If you get the car and don’t like it, just return it within seven days and we’ll give you your money back.
Would you take our disappointing centre back in exchange?
We’re probably ok for footballers thanks, but if you’ve got a car to part-exchange, we’re very interested. Just enter a few details and . If you’re happy with it, the amount will be deducted from the cost of the car that you’re buying and we’ll take your old car off your hands in one easy handover.
Do I have to fly in my new car, first-class from Anderlecht?
Yes. Wait… no. Sorry. For a small fee, we’ll deliver your new car to your door on a day that suits you. Alternatively, you can collect your car from your nearest Cazoo Customer Centre for free. Either way, we’ll explain all the features so you’re up to speed with what your new car can do. Please note that most modern cars can’t do the Cruyff turn or a sweet rabona, but they do have lots of great safety and entertainment features. Does Jonson Clarke-Harris have a heated seat and Bluetooth? No he does not. As far as we know.
Check out the available at Cazoo and see which one catches your eye. If you need some expert guidance then read our reviews or buying guides. Then all you need to do is shut your laptop, print up the new shirts and call a press conference.